©

oh shit i just ate half a tub of ice cream
—ancient proverb by me (via turntnip)

(via pizza)

posted 4 days ago with 13,372 notes  turntnip) + reblog

me nd my cougar gf

me: babe i love your necklace
gf: thats me Life Alert®
posted 4 days ago with 90,752 notes  saltedick) + reblog

i-am-mishafuckingcollins:

agent-bartowski:

rumour:

THEY DELETED THE LILO & STITCH SANDWICH STACKER GAME FROM THE DISNEY WEBSITE

image

the end is nigh

(via herestothedesperatedasher)

posted 4 days ago with 123,763 notes  rumour-deactivated20121224) + reblog

(Source: wefuckinglovescience, via herestothedesperatedasher)

posted 4 days ago with 558 notes  wefuckinglovescience) + reblog

bombing:

cop: who the hell ordered all these pizzas

me: you said i got one phone call

(via chipped-mugsofcoffee)

posted 4 days ago with 223,967 notes  bombing) + reblog

dead-pendragon:

heterophilia:

Thinking youre attractive but having a lot of insecurities is like having a crush on yourself but not knowing if you like yourself back.

SOMEONE SAID IT

(via chipped-mugsofcoffee)

posted 4 days ago with 143,950 notes  heterophilia) + reblog

deathbedscene:

having siblings is weird bc like one minute u want to strangle them with their own intestines and then later ur singing dramatic duets together

(via herestothedesperatedasher)

posted 4 days ago with 62,158 notes  deathbedscene) + reblog

moodysshuffle:

ppl be like “weird al has returned” like he left or s/t

weird al never leaves

he is a constant force in this world

you might not hear about him for a while, a few months, a couple years

but he’s always here, and has never left

he doesn’t return. he rises.

(via herestothedesperatedasher)

posted 4 days ago with 2,198 notes  moodysshuffle) + reblog

klartie:

dad NO

(via dancewithyourghost)

posted 4 days ago with 480,068 notes  klartie) + reblog

dragondances:

getting 0 notes on one of your posts that you personally thought was clever/funny

image

(via quinnfabitch)

posted 4 days ago with 78,639 notes  dragondances) + reblog

silversora:

Allergies are weird as heck. You can snap a humans leg in half and they can recover but if you eat this peanut u dead

(via chipped-mugsofcoffee)

posted 4 days ago with 711,467 notes  silversora) + reblog

boywhocriedwerewolf:

ohmycarveredlund:

nepeta-lives:

I came out as a queer during football practice when my coach was like “son, you’re having trouble throwing straight” and I replied “I’m also having trouble being straight”. It got very quiet and then coach just shook his head and said “throw the damn ball, Cooper”

i have been laughing for 3 million years

(via chipped-mugsofcoffee)

posted 4 days ago with 366,942 notes  nepeta-lives-deactivated2014011) + reblog

(Source: sirheisenberg, via chipped-mugsofcoffee)

posted 4 days ago with 276,337 notes  sirheisenberg) + reblog

eartheld:

helicine:

how do i get this picture of myself tumblr famous

i want this tattooed on my back

(via chipped-mugsofcoffee)

posted 4 days ago with 5,998 notes  helicine) + reblog

(Source: danasculy, via chipped-mugsofcoffee)

posted 4 days ago with 37,865 notes  danasculy) + reblog